Hello, I'm Ava!
Meet our newest author, Ava. She can solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute, host a comedy show, and have an anxiety attack on demand. However, the Labour party's anti-trans moral crusade means she is planning on emigrating with these in-demand skills and starting a career as a developer.
Hello Everyone
My names Ava! Nice to meet you.
In the industry, I am what you call a triple threat. What threats? Should you be worried? See for yourself:
- I can solve a Rubiks cube in under a minute.
- I can do a couple of close up magic tricks surprisingly well.
- I have a huge amount of mental challenges.
- I have an ability to heal from wounds. I don’t even do anything and they just get better over time.
- I have poor short term-memory.
- I am very good at planting things in an article that I will reference later, like this beautiful fresh clam.
- I am very good at being overwhelmed both under pressure and as a team.
- High anxiety reactions – washed and boiled, cut into slips.
- I use toilets to toilet.
- Chapped basil, rash and hot on one side, simmered to taste.
These skills tell you more about me than I ever could. Not because they demonstrate me as a person (because only 5 of them are true and they are all intentionally confusing). These skills tell you more, because I have really struggled to write an article telling you who I am.
The events of this year have dramatically changed me, so I will start by telling you who I was.
Who I was
I was a disabled transgender comedian always there with a wink, a smile and an anecdote that would make you shed!
I knew what I wanted: to make longer comedy shows that I could take to festivals and bring my favourite acts to Sheffield with Square Hole Comedy. I just wanted to push myself artistically and my main goal was to be a content and happy person. I was succeeding, too. I was experimenting with shows, even got a good review, and all of this while recovering from multiple surgeries, falling in love and managing my disabilities. What a hero!
The “Event”
On April 16th 2025, the UK Supreme Court decided that trans people are bad now for some reason. The main effect is that trans people aren't recognised as their gender and will most likely be excluded from gendered spaces. I personally have no intention of publicly outing myself or putting myself in danger.
How will this be enforced? Vigilantes? Guards? AI sentry turrets that can always tell except all the times they can't?
A few stray cis folk being turreted is just the price you need to pay to solve a problem you made up to hide the actual problem. It’s “common sense” , it's “clarity”, it's “dignity and respect” for all! What a lovely, beautiful, huge clam I've just found on the floor! Come look at this clam everyone, it's dog-size!
The UK ship RMS Trans was already an unpleasant experience before it hit that iceberg absolutely slopping with ai sentry turrets, now she's loosing blood... fast.
I would really like to emigrate to a new trans ship. The promise of “dignity and respect” from Keir Starmer et. al. sounded good initially, but just turned out to be words tattooed on his very wide knuckles. Keir Starmer's prison survival plan? “Day 1: find the smallest, most vulnerable inmate and knock them out in front of everyone – so people know that the new Warden means business”.
Everything I thought I was doing with my life has either stopped or adapted to what I have to do next: find a way out of this country to keep access to my human rights. I would like to find a new ship to sail on, one that doesn't put me on the male ward when I am very ill (this happened to me not that long ago). One that doesn't jump at the chance to crush trans healthcare on based on a biased uncredited report. One that treats me with dignity and respect.
I want to sail on a ship that actually understands that sinking is bad. A couple of other survivors are moaning because they got onto one of those rescue ships that drove straight into that iceberg again.
Right now I am not qualified enough as a comedian, or anything in fact. I don't have the mental or physical energy to leave.
I would like to write this blog about how I can become a person that is able to do what I need to do.
Same Year, New Me
My plan is to learn a skill that doesn't require me to get misgendered in public or be at a workplace that says I am such a threat to the other women that I have to use the men's.
Learning to code is my pick. I don't know if it is wise or will actually help, but I'm going to start off making a basic website with HTML, CSS and JavaScript and blog the journey. I have a few plans for the where to take this journey next, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.
I'm going to keep you updated on other things also, like restarting my streaming career and I might post about the live comedy gigs I still do.
I also have a GoFundMe that I would really appreciate if you could have a look at, Its for a voice feminisation surgery that I think will dramatically increase my safety and reduce my dysphoria when out and about.
I don't know much about who I am yet.
What I do know that this dog-size clam, is in fact not a clam at all. She's a dog. My mistake.
She's a very good dog though.
Nice to meet you btw,
Ava x
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